Storehouse of Laughter – Chapter 13

造人

玉帝私行。見夫婦行房者。召土地問之。荅曰。造人。問一年造幾箇。荅曰。一箇。曰。既如此。何消得這等忙。

Making people

The Jade Emperor was taking a stroll, when he saw a husband and wife in the bedroom. He asked the Earth God what they were doing, and he replied: “They’re making people.” “How many people can they make in a year?” “Just one.” “If that’s the case, why are they moving so frantically?”

心在身上

一有妾者。與妻雲雨間。妻曰。你身在這裡。心自在那邊。夫曰。若然。待我身在那邊。心在這裡。何如。

Body and soul

A man was making thunder in the bedroom with his wife, but his wife said: “Your body is here, but your heart is with your concubine.” The husband replied: “If that’s so, would you rather that my body be with her and my heart be here?”

諱偷棋

有自負棋名者與人角。連負三局。他日人問之曰。前與某人較棋幾局。曰。三局。又問勝負如何。曰。苐一局。我不曾嬴。苐二局。他不曾輸。苐三局。我要和。他不肯罷了。

Losing at chess

There was a chess player who lost three games in a row to the same opponent. The next day, someone asked him about it: “How many games did you play with him yesterday?” “Three” “How many did you win and lose?” “The first game I didn’t win. The second, he didn’t lose. The third, well I wanted to draw, but he wouldn’t let me.”

見皇帝

一花子從京師回。自誇曾見皇帝。或問皇帝門景如何。曰。四柱牌坊。金書皇帝世家。大門內扁。金書天子第。春聯寫日月光天德。山河壯帝居。又問皇帝如何粧束。曰。頭帶玉紗帽。身穿金海青問者曰。汝說謊。穿了金打的海青。如何作揖。荅曰。呸。你真是不曾見景的。皇帝與那箇作揖。

Seeing the emperor

A dandy returned from the capital, and boasted that he had seen the emperor. Someone asked him: “What’s the view like from the emperor’s doorway?” He replied: “On the four pillars are words engraved in gold – ‘Imperial Lineage”; over the great doorway are more golden words ‘Residence of the Son of Heaven’; beside are a couplet that reads ‘Sun and moon radiate the righteousness of heaven / Mountains and rivers strengthen the abode of empire’.” Another asked him: “What does the emperor wear?” He replied: “On his head is a hat made of fine jade. On his body, a robe made of pure gold.” His questioner said: “You must be lying. How can anyone wear a robe hammered from gold? He wouldn’t be able to bend over.” The dandy replied: “You really don’t know much about the world – the emperor bends and bows before nobody!”

一人偶仆地。方起。復跌。乃曰。早知還有一跌。不起來也罷了。

Falling down

A man had fallen down. When he got up, he fell down again. He said: “If I had known that I would fall down again, I wouldn’t have bothered getting up!”

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